When Yoga Doesn't Work...

For some, yoga is a way of life — a staple part of their daily routine, a way of living.

And for some, it isn’t.

As a yoga teacher, I guess I assume people think I’m always on my yoga mat — calm, serene.

Absolutely not.

I spend more time teaching yoga than I do practising physical yoga postures.

Sometimes this frustrates me and I crave more time on my mat.

And sometimes a physical yoga practise doesn’t work for me.

At those times, I question my role as a yoga teacher.

But then, I’ve always preferred to do yoga with other people.

Life is lonely enough as it is.

I find the shared energy of a group class — without the need to talk to each other — comforting.

I’m not alone in this; most of the people who come to my classes say they don’t practise alone.

Recently, I told my husband I wasn’t going to be a yoga teacher anymore.

I was — and still am — feeling heartbroken by something completely out of anyone’s control.

When I tried to do yoga to find some peace, it didn’t work. Everything hurt, and it felt wrong to try to feel better.

Because sometimes, you just have to sit with it —

the pain and heartbreak that life throws hard at your face when you’re looking the other way and have no chance to duck.

Sometimes you can’t feel better because you simply can’t comprehend what’s happening, never mind make sense of what you’re feeling.

Which leads me to think maybe we shouldn’t try to distract ourselves when life hurts.

Maybe we should do nothing but let the pain come.

Maybe we should sit with the pain rather than push it away.

If your heart is hurting, I’m not going to tell you to do yoga.

I’m going to suggest you make time to acknowledge the hurt.

Because sometimes, life is cruel and unfair, and no yoga pose is going to make any of that feel better.

Everything is temporary. Everything.

You won’t have to sit with the pain forever.

Or at least, you’ll get better at living with it.

There’s no shame in accepting painful feelings rather than constantly trying to improve them.

Does it make me less of a yoga teacher — the admission that I seem to have lost my way with my personal practise, or that right now it isn’t helping me?

Maybe.

But I’m fine with that. I will continue as a yoga teacher, but I will also stop putting pressure on myself to act like yoga fixes everything.

I will always love yoga. My mat is a home that always welcomes me back even though sometimes I walk away. And some of the hardest yoga I have ever done is laid on my mat, completely still.

Just like everyone else, I am still figuring it all out.

I’m called a yoga teacher because I stand at the front of the class.

That’s the only difference.

My heart breaks just the same.